urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:punkypixiechick a pixie's secret lair... Rogue 2007-01-28T04:25:59Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:punkypixiechick:1036 2007-01-28T04:25:59Z 2007-01-28T04:25:59Z Well, I was worried it would never show, but better late than never. Thanks, Auntie Flo! Hee hee. <br /><br />It's amazing to me how my weight affects how I feel about myself. Like, right now, it's the lowest I've ever had it during my period for a long time. (Usually I blow up like a balloon-hello, water weight!) So, I'm assuming that i still blew up, because I can feel all that water in me, and therefore, my actual weight, involving real fat, has gone down. And that makes me seriously happy. <br /><br />It probably doesn't hurt that I'm on my meds again too. Bad idea to go off them...<br /><br />Damn, though. I'm in a good mood tonight! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:punkypixiechick:821 2007-01-23T08:09:26Z 2007-01-23T08:09:26Z <a name="cutid1"></a><br /><br />I feel like I'm falling into a pit, and there's no one around to catch me. Every day, it just gets worse. I used to purge 1 time per day. Now, it's more like 5, give or take a few. And lately, the urge to SI has gotten unmanageable...new scars line my wrist, thigh, belly, and breasts. I swear, if I didn't have these dreams of being famous, being a movie star, I'd just let go, but I feel like I have to keep the scarring down, so i TRY not to do it much. I don't know what's wrong with me. I need to start taking my pills again, and not just recreationally. I think I'm dying. How am I going to make it through this semester? I just want to have someone take care of me. But that's selfish. I have to take care of my mom, and she's fragile right now. She couldn't handle me breaking down right now. Maybe I should have stayed home and done the partial treatment program. They'd take care of me. I don't think I can do this; I don't know how to take care of myself yet. I just want to forget about being an adult, and be a kid again. For a month or so. FOr real. Really, just be five years old again, and taken care of. Way before the abuse ever happened, back when I was happy. It would be nice.<br /><br />I'm fucking pathetic. Well, here's my cry for help.